My oldest son is now 16. There are so many things that happen when a kid turns 16: driver's license, dating, job. Life seems to become a little more real. My son is becoming a little more of a man. This last week, Allen applied for a job. I was so excited to have him start to earn his own money, and have the ability to learn to budget and plan for his own expenses. I was excited to have him learn the life lessons that come with having his first job. We called the little bakery where he applied for the job, and they let us know that they had given it to someone else. I really had a tough time with it. I know a few adults with Asperger's, and most of them have a hard time getting and keeping a job. The challenges with social skills cause problems in the interview process, and can continue to cause problems if they get the job. We have been working so hard on Allen's social skills in his speech class. He has come such a long way, but I am not sure if it is enough. I know it is just one job application, but the challenges seem huge this week.
My 8 year old struggles to hold still in church. I have gotten to the point where I have lowered my expectations for him. I allow him to fidget, and twist in his seat. He blurts out constantly, and we do our best to stop him. We have a rule that he is not allowed to put his feet on the bench, or lie down, and he fights me constantly on those two things the entire time we are in church. I've let the fidgeting, and playing with items around him go for the most part. Yesterday, he was sitting near a woman in our ward who is a wonderful teacher. She has a class with some pretty challenging boys, and she does an amazing job with them. She does a great job of keeping the naughty behavior in check, and allowing the boys responsibility so that they feel pride in what they do. She really does a great job with them. She also has amazing kids. They are responsible, and kind. They are all leaders in the community. Yesterday, this woman got after Morgan several times. She seemed to constantly be getting after him for everything he was doing. Her expectations for his behavior were clearly much higher than my expectations for him. My own insecurities kicked in, and I felt like I was failing my kids by not expecting more of them.
I hate the guilt that comes with being a Mom of an Asperger's kid. I hate feeling that I am to blame for their struggles. I hate seeing them struggle so much.
