So, I realized just after I finished my last post, that this blog is called UPS and downs with ASD, and although there are a lot of challenges associated with having kids on the Autism Spectrum, there are also some good things about it. It is time for me to focus on some of those good things.
My oldest son, Allen, has a very definite view of what is right or wrong. There have been several times when we have been watching a movie, and a character will make a decision that he knows is wrong because of peer pressure, or some other external force. Allen almost always comments about what a stupid decision it was. He really can't understand why someone would do something they know is wrong to save face.
One of my favorite examples of Allen standing up for what is right happened when he was in 1st grade. I was teaching Music at the school where he attended, and one day, I was out on the playground at lunchtime, when I was approached by a teacher's aide. The school had an autism cluster, and there were two classes of autistic children with different levels of severity. The goal was to include these kids in the school day as much as we could. I had all of them attend my music classes, and it was fun having them there. They had a special place in my heart. The teacher's aide worked in the younger autistic class, and she came to let me know that Allen had been bullying some of the autistic kids. When she tried to talk to him, he had run away from her. I was devastated, and quite angry! I thought I knew my son pretty well, and I couldn't imagine him acting that way. I walked out to where Allen was playing, and I told him that he needed to come and talk to the teacher's aide. There were 3 boys involved in the incident, and while I was gathering up Allen, the other boys (who were a grade older than Allen) had been sharing what had happened. When the truth finally came out, it turned out that Allen wasn't bullying the kids, he was sticking up for them. He was pushing and shoving the older boys, and yelling at them to leave the autistic kids alone. He told them that they didn't understand the teasing, and the older boys needed to back off. I was really proud of him for sticking up for the kids. He was in trouble often in school, and he had run away because he thought he was going to get in trouble, and he knew he hadn't done anything wrong.
I sure love my kids, and the good hearts that they have!
Friday, February 17, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Homework
One of the biggest struggles that I have with my kids is dealing with homework. Each of them really struggle with organization, and concentrating. At the end of last quarter, I was looking through the online program that helps me keep track of my kids grades, and asking my kids about all the zeros. One of my kids reads every night as part of his homework, but he was failing the reading section of his class. When I asked him what was going on, he let me know that he never writes down the information. He has to write the title of the book, how many pages he read, and how long he read. It would take him about 20 seconds, but because he skipped this small step almost every night after doing the work, he was failing the class.
My daughter forgets her materials for homework several times a week. It is very common to turn around within 5 minutes of getting home to pick up her materials that she left at school. A few times a month, we make multiple trips to school to pick up still more supplies. I have tried refusing to take them back, and just have it affect their grade, but then forgetting becomes more frequent because it helps them get out of doing their homework.
I have signed up to have the grading software e-mail me daily with their grades so I can keep track of their grades. I always have a child failing at least one class. My oldest is in 9th grade, and it is so scary having his grades affect his ability to get into college. We have made a rule that he has to have a 3.0 gpa, and can't be failing any classes to earn the right to play video games. It has worked pretty well so far.
At the beginning of this quarter, we decided to start a new homework ritual. Everyday when we get home from school, I meet each of my kids at a large whiteboard in our kitchen, and we look through their planners. We make a list of all the things they need to do, including packing up their backpacks for the following day, and putting them in the closet where they will be able to find them. I thought that it would be such a great idea, and it would help us stay on top of things. We are a few weeks into the quarter, and two of my kids have had failing grades already. I'm not sure what else I can do. Trying to keep up with my kids education is a full time job. When I talk to parents of other kids who are on the spectrum, they talk about how challenging it is to get their kids to do their homework. It is challenging. Dealing with getting 4 ASD kids to keep up in school is more than I can handle right now. Pity party of 1, right here!
We homeschooled a few years ago. I really love homeschooling. I was talking to my sister earlier today, and I realize that there are a few things that I am trying to consider as I try to decide whether or not to homeschool in the future. First, what can I handle. In addition to having my 4 school aged kids, I also have an 8 month old. I'm not sure I can do the baby thing and the homeschool thing at the same time. Second, what is the best choice for my kids. What choice will teach them the skills that they need to succeed in life. What choice will push all of us out of our comfort zone in a way that will help us grow and develop into the people we need to be. What choice will accomplish the goals that I have for my family.
Three of my four kids are on medication for ADHD. The fourth is showing signs that she could probably benefit from it, but I just can't make that decision yet. I was having a discussion with one of my sisters at the beginning of the year. She isn't a mother yet, and so it will be interesting to see if her opinions change if she does decide to have kids. I had all the answers before I was a mom. She took a psychology class last semester that was very anti-medication. In my opinion, I think medication is not the perfect answer, but it makes a huge difference in my kids ability to learn. I really struggle with my kids on meds. I really don't think I could function trying to do this without medication. I really think that as long as education is a "one-size fits all" formula, it will need to be a necessary part of our lives. If I could educate my kids "Einstein style" I might have a chance. But not with the current system.
That is enough rambling for now.
My daughter forgets her materials for homework several times a week. It is very common to turn around within 5 minutes of getting home to pick up her materials that she left at school. A few times a month, we make multiple trips to school to pick up still more supplies. I have tried refusing to take them back, and just have it affect their grade, but then forgetting becomes more frequent because it helps them get out of doing their homework.
I have signed up to have the grading software e-mail me daily with their grades so I can keep track of their grades. I always have a child failing at least one class. My oldest is in 9th grade, and it is so scary having his grades affect his ability to get into college. We have made a rule that he has to have a 3.0 gpa, and can't be failing any classes to earn the right to play video games. It has worked pretty well so far.
At the beginning of this quarter, we decided to start a new homework ritual. Everyday when we get home from school, I meet each of my kids at a large whiteboard in our kitchen, and we look through their planners. We make a list of all the things they need to do, including packing up their backpacks for the following day, and putting them in the closet where they will be able to find them. I thought that it would be such a great idea, and it would help us stay on top of things. We are a few weeks into the quarter, and two of my kids have had failing grades already. I'm not sure what else I can do. Trying to keep up with my kids education is a full time job. When I talk to parents of other kids who are on the spectrum, they talk about how challenging it is to get their kids to do their homework. It is challenging. Dealing with getting 4 ASD kids to keep up in school is more than I can handle right now. Pity party of 1, right here!
We homeschooled a few years ago. I really love homeschooling. I was talking to my sister earlier today, and I realize that there are a few things that I am trying to consider as I try to decide whether or not to homeschool in the future. First, what can I handle. In addition to having my 4 school aged kids, I also have an 8 month old. I'm not sure I can do the baby thing and the homeschool thing at the same time. Second, what is the best choice for my kids. What choice will teach them the skills that they need to succeed in life. What choice will push all of us out of our comfort zone in a way that will help us grow and develop into the people we need to be. What choice will accomplish the goals that I have for my family.
Three of my four kids are on medication for ADHD. The fourth is showing signs that she could probably benefit from it, but I just can't make that decision yet. I was having a discussion with one of my sisters at the beginning of the year. She isn't a mother yet, and so it will be interesting to see if her opinions change if she does decide to have kids. I had all the answers before I was a mom. She took a psychology class last semester that was very anti-medication. In my opinion, I think medication is not the perfect answer, but it makes a huge difference in my kids ability to learn. I really struggle with my kids on meds. I really don't think I could function trying to do this without medication. I really think that as long as education is a "one-size fits all" formula, it will need to be a necessary part of our lives. If I could educate my kids "Einstein style" I might have a chance. But not with the current system.
That is enough rambling for now.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Where to begin?
I have a family blog where I share what is up day to day with my family and friends. I enjoy blogging. It is a great way to keep in touch with loved ones and let them know what is happening in my life, but I have a bit of a problem. There are many times when I want to scream and cry and rip my hair out. I want to shake my fist at the heavens, and ask God what he was thinking when he gave me the trials that I have. I firmly believe in God. I believe that he loves me, and that he is aware of me and my needs, my trials, and that in many cases, he plays a big role in putting obstacles in my way (or at the very least, he doesn't move them out of my way easily) so I can learn to grow and become the person I need to be. I do believe that he has a plan for each of us, and he often puts us in positions where we can make a difference. Sometimes this view of things gives me strength, and sometimes, it just makes me confused and overwhelmed and even downright mad! Let me explain.
I have 5 children. 4 of my children have been diagnosed with ASD, otherwise known as Autism Spectrum Disorder. 3 of the 4 have Aspergers Syndrome, and one has been diagnosed with PDD-NOS. Most of the time when I tell people that my kids are on the spectrum, they roll their eyes, and act like I am looking for attention. I really feel that the only people who really understand are either parents or close relatives of children who have a similar diagnosis, or teachers or healthcare professionals who have been educated about Spectrum Disorders. My children are very bright, and so close to "normal" that it is often hard to tell there is a problem.
When my oldest son was diagnosed, my first thought was, "If I had been a better parent, he wouldn't have this diagnosis. He doesn't really have Autism. I've seen Rain Man. I know what Autism is!" I guess I often feel like that is the reaction of others now. My husband had a similar reaction. We both blamed ourselves. If we were more dedicated, outgoing, athletic, etc. our boy would not have this diagnosis. I have learned through the years that that is completely not true. First of all, Rain Man is NOT Autism. I have met some autistic individuals in my Education (my degree is in Elementary Education) that are very similar to Rain Man, but one of the reasons it is called Autism SPECTRUM disorder is that there is a very wide range of symptoms. When my 4th child received his diagnosis, I thought, "I know what I am in store for. We have done this before." Wrong! Although 3 of my kids have the same diagnosis, they are very different. They have different things they struggle with, they have different strengths and weaknesses. Second, although you can develop parenting strategies, and educate yourself about the best methods to help your child, bad parenting does NOT create a child with ASD. I have met many parents of autistic children, and in almost every case, the parent felt guilty, either because they had feelings similar to mine, they thought that a different style of parenting could have prevented their kids from being autistic, or because other judgemental adults made them feel that their child's struggles were somehow their fault. "If only you would spank Johnny, he would not have these tantrums." Not only do you have the pain of watching your child struggle with things that come naturally to most kids, but you have the added pain of feeling like you are being judged at every turn.
I just realized as I try to give a bit of background on our stories and our family, I could go on and on for days talking about our history and the way I feel about it. I guess the reason I started this blog is so I would have a place to come and talk about the difficulties and the happiness that I have in dealing with this particular challenge. It is not something that I want to discuss on my family blog, because I want Allen to be "Allen", and not "That kid with Asperger's." Although that is a big part of who he is, I don't want that to be his entire identity. I also don't want to embarrass any of my kids. I have had many friends who have found out that their kids have Asperger's syndrome, and they will come to me with many questions, and looking for someone who will understand their situation. In those situations, I am very happy to discuss the things that I have learned, and anything that could possibly help, but I have found that most people have little to no interest in it. Maybe it is because I bore them with my "obsession." ASD is our normal. It affects every aspect of my life.
I would love to think that this blog could help someone to understand a little more about ASD and specifically Asperger's, but chances are that it will most likely just be a place for me to come and vent. I guess in that case, the person that this blog will help will be me.
I have 5 children. 4 of my children have been diagnosed with ASD, otherwise known as Autism Spectrum Disorder. 3 of the 4 have Aspergers Syndrome, and one has been diagnosed with PDD-NOS. Most of the time when I tell people that my kids are on the spectrum, they roll their eyes, and act like I am looking for attention. I really feel that the only people who really understand are either parents or close relatives of children who have a similar diagnosis, or teachers or healthcare professionals who have been educated about Spectrum Disorders. My children are very bright, and so close to "normal" that it is often hard to tell there is a problem.
When my oldest son was diagnosed, my first thought was, "If I had been a better parent, he wouldn't have this diagnosis. He doesn't really have Autism. I've seen Rain Man. I know what Autism is!" I guess I often feel like that is the reaction of others now. My husband had a similar reaction. We both blamed ourselves. If we were more dedicated, outgoing, athletic, etc. our boy would not have this diagnosis. I have learned through the years that that is completely not true. First of all, Rain Man is NOT Autism. I have met some autistic individuals in my Education (my degree is in Elementary Education) that are very similar to Rain Man, but one of the reasons it is called Autism SPECTRUM disorder is that there is a very wide range of symptoms. When my 4th child received his diagnosis, I thought, "I know what I am in store for. We have done this before." Wrong! Although 3 of my kids have the same diagnosis, they are very different. They have different things they struggle with, they have different strengths and weaknesses. Second, although you can develop parenting strategies, and educate yourself about the best methods to help your child, bad parenting does NOT create a child with ASD. I have met many parents of autistic children, and in almost every case, the parent felt guilty, either because they had feelings similar to mine, they thought that a different style of parenting could have prevented their kids from being autistic, or because other judgemental adults made them feel that their child's struggles were somehow their fault. "If only you would spank Johnny, he would not have these tantrums." Not only do you have the pain of watching your child struggle with things that come naturally to most kids, but you have the added pain of feeling like you are being judged at every turn.
I just realized as I try to give a bit of background on our stories and our family, I could go on and on for days talking about our history and the way I feel about it. I guess the reason I started this blog is so I would have a place to come and talk about the difficulties and the happiness that I have in dealing with this particular challenge. It is not something that I want to discuss on my family blog, because I want Allen to be "Allen", and not "That kid with Asperger's." Although that is a big part of who he is, I don't want that to be his entire identity. I also don't want to embarrass any of my kids. I have had many friends who have found out that their kids have Asperger's syndrome, and they will come to me with many questions, and looking for someone who will understand their situation. In those situations, I am very happy to discuss the things that I have learned, and anything that could possibly help, but I have found that most people have little to no interest in it. Maybe it is because I bore them with my "obsession." ASD is our normal. It affects every aspect of my life.
I would love to think that this blog could help someone to understand a little more about ASD and specifically Asperger's, but chances are that it will most likely just be a place for me to come and vent. I guess in that case, the person that this blog will help will be me.
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